Entry #4: a never ending writers block

    Creating something like music is awkward for me because I don't know if I'm creating it for myself or other people. As of now it's been all for myself as I don't really show anybody what I create. I want to write about this now because I want to start sharing what I create with my friends. First, I will tell you about my process a bit. When I sit down at my piano or pick up my guitar I like to just play random chords that I picked up from learning other songs and mess around with the rhythm, or just really just try to play them in different ways. My process usually goes something like this… I will start with just 2 or 3 chords then maybe an overlaying melody, then from there it gets more tough. The song can go in so many different directions it’s hard to choose a path. I will mess around with an idea for a few hours and if it’s good enough in my head I will hit the save button, however most of the time it will end up in the trash bin and deleted that very same day it was created. I realize now it's kind of a cruel fate for a song when I write about it like this.

    I think I get caught up with comparing my work to the artists I listen to, then if I feel like it’s something I wouldn’t want to listen to it then gets thrown out. I have thrown away countless projects that I spent hours on and it’s a bit defeating putting that much work into something then having nothing to really show for it. This practice is keeping my hard drive empty but I kind of wish I could start building an archive of songs.

    My friends are pretty much my guiding light, I’ve been hanging with them playing guitar and directly learning from them. They are miles ahead of me in terms of skill, the only reason I’m half as good as I am in guitar is because of them. Some of my favorite moments are when we just jam to some random chords. Part of my mindset I believe I need to change is not taking myself too seriously. When I create something I want it to be “good” but I know that it is subjective and not everyone has the same bar for what is considered “good”, and mine is probably too high. From now on I’m going to try and send my friends anything I’m working on to get their feedback. I want them to give me real feedback and I know I can trust them to provide that for me, even if it makes me feel inadequate or that I suck, it’s still feedback I want to take into consideration to make me more open to criticism and overall just a better person.

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